Our trip takes us through Europe, Turkey, (Iraq?) and Azerbaijan. We will swim the Caspian sea with the limousine strapped to our ankles, cross Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan and Kazakhstan before arriving in Mongolia. Once there, we will trade the limo for a herd of llamas which we will farm for approximately 2 years in order to generate sufficient wool to start our own designer llama-wool thong company. We will call it “Llama Farmer Under Garments”. Slogan: “I’m wearing Llama down there”.
We expect the drive to take 6-8 weeks and to involve fully insurmountable challenges including, but not limited to, malnutrition, sun stroke, hypothermia, dehydration, culture shock, wolves, improvised explosive devices, haemorrhoids, flesh-eating insects, selling our bodies for sex, bribes, the purchase of a kalashnikov rifle and hire of a protective vanguard of child soldiers, France, being unable to speak Russian, Arabic or Turkish in countries in which English is scarce, debt, hitchhikers, zombies, malaria and much, much more.
"There is no way in hell we are going to insure you to drive a limousine to mongolia."
Being a budding Triathlete, we are contemplating installing pedals, a treadmill and water wheel so if push comes to shove and we run out of fuel, Ollie will be able to power the car completely by himself.
If that fails, we just need to mention the words, ‘shall we get a taxi?’ and get him a bit drunk for him to scream the words, “I do triathlon!” and run away into the night hopefully swimming the Caspian sea, cycling the Uzbek mountain range and running the Gobi desert to get help.
Being a true Scotsman, Jack proudly wears a skirt with no underpants! This bizarre concept is almost acceptable in the UK, but we are concerned that it may cause issues with the notoriously homophobic Russian border security.
Jack has spent the previous year working at a valve company designing products with innovative features such as open and shut. He hopes this specialist knowledge will be of the great benefit to his team, perhaps during the inflation of flat tyres, during the trip.